Quote of the Day (2012-02-29)

Sir Arnold: "I presume the Prime Minister is in favour of this scheme because it will reduce unemployment?"

Sir Humphrey: "Well, it looks as if he's reducing unemployment."

Sir Arnold: "Or looks as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."

Sir Humphrey: "While as in reality he's only trying to look as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."

Sir Arnold: "Yes, because he's worried that it does not look as if he's trying to look as if he's trying to reduce unemployment."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-02-28)

Basil Fawlty: Manuel... my wife informs me that you're... depressed. Let me tell you something. Depression is a very bad thing. It's like a virus. If you don't stamp on it, it spreads throughout the mind, and then one day you wake up in the morning and you... you can't face life any more!

Sybil Fawlty: And then you open a hotel.

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2012-02-27)

[Derek Smalls sets off a metal detector at the airport]

Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?

Derek Smalls: Er, not really.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2012-02-26)

Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".

[Everyone gasps]

Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!

Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?

Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!

Jewish Official: Was it you?

Stoner: Yes.

Jewish Official: Right...

Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "

[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]

Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "

[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2012-02-25)

Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?

Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain.

[pause]

Inigo Montoya: No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.

Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.

Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.

Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?

Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.

Westley: And our assets?

Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2012-02-24)

Frasier: I remember the very first time I ever held him [Frederick] in my arms as a newborn. It was as if everything else in the universe simply melted away. There was just a father, a son, and the distant sound of Lilith saying, "If you ever come near me again, Frasier, I'll drop you with a deer rifle."

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2012-02-23)

Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

Sally Albright: Which one am I?

Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2012-02-22)

"I don't like the opera. What are they singing for? Who sings? You got something to say, say it."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-02-21)

Bernard Woolley (on the phone): "Yes, we will want simultaneous translators. ... No, not when the PM meets the leaders of the English speaking nations. ... Yes, the English speaking nations can be said to include the United States. With a certain generosity of spirit."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-02-20)

Jerry: "You know how the big toe is the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot."

George: "The coup de toe!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-02-18)

Jay Sherman: Welcome to "Coming Attractions". I'm your host, Jay Sherman. Thank you. Tonight, we review an aging Charles Bronson in "Death Wish 9."

[Charles Bronson is in a hospital bed]

Charles Bronson: I wish I was dead. Oy!

Jay Sherman: But first, we have a special guest: Rainer Wolfcastle, star of the reprehensible McBain movies.

Rainer Wolfcastle: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's called "McBain: Let's Get Silly."

[Cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in front of a brick wall]

Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?

[pause]

Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: That's the joke.

Man in audience: You suck, McBain!

[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]

Rainer Wolfcastle as McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.

Man in audience: Hey, that really sucked!

[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]

Man in audience: [Cut back to Rainer and Jay]

Rainer Wolfcastle: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.

Jay Sherman: [contemptuous] How do you sleep at night?

Rainer Wolfcastle: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.

Jay Sherman: Just asking. Yeesh!

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-02-17)

Archie Bunker: You'd better start mixing toothpaste with your shampoo. You're getting a cavity in your brain.

Source: All in the Family

Quote of the Day (2012-02-15)

Bart: [after they watch a foreign film] I was so bored I cut the pony tail off the guy in front of us.

[holds pony tail to his head]

Bart: Look at me, I'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old and I made $600 last year.

Marge: Bart, don't make fun of grad students. They've just made a terrible life choice.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-02-14)

And Sir Robin-the-not-quite-so-pure-as-Sir-Launcelot, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Agnor, who had nearly stood up to to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-02-13)

"This is our best model, the Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. This is like, you're almost glad to be handicapped."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-02-12)

Narrator: Do you want me to deprioritize my current reports until you advise me of a status upgrade?

Richard Chesler: Yes. Make these your primary action items.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2012-02-11)

Derek Zoolander: Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?

Source: Zoolander

Quote of the Day (2012-02-10)

Sir Humphrey: "If there had been investigations, which there haven't, or not necessarily, or I'm not at liberty to say whether there have, there would have been a project team which, had it existed, on which I cannot comment, which would now have disbanded, if it had existed, and the members returned to their original departments, if indeed there had been any such members."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-02-09)

Jim Hacker: "Honesty always gives you the advantage of surprise in the House of Commons."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-02-08)

Carol: Do you want to dance?

Melvin Udall: I've been thinking about that for a while.

Carol: [standing up] Well?

Melvin Udall: No.

Source: As Good As It Gets

Quote of the Day (2012-02-07)

Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-02-06)

Rainer Wolfcastle: [singing] Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z / Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-02-04)

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Source: Zoolander

Quote of the Day (2012-02-03)

Harry: Suppose nothing happens to you. Suppose you lived out your whole life and nothing happens you never meet anybody you never become anything and finally you die in one of those New York deaths which nobody notices for two weeks until the smell drifts into the hallway.

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.

Harry: That's what drew her to me.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2012-02-02)

Toula Portokalos: When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate, and I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns.

Source: My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Quote of the Day (2012-02-01)

Sir Humphrey: "Bernard, Ministers should never know more than they need to know. Then they can't tell anyone. Like secret agents, they could be captured and tortured."

Bernard: "You mean by terrorists?"

Sir Humphrey: "By the BBC, Bernard."

Source: Yes, Minister